Do you ever have moments after intense days of stress and nail-biting-level-anxiety and you have consistently reevaluated your purpose or worth in life when things suddenly work out and you are forced to just sit back and go, "huh"? I don't know if that punctuation is correct there, but just bear with me.
I had one of those moments yesterday. I have turned in maybe 5 applications and I went on one interview AND I GOT IT. They called when I was picking out an outfit to wear to my graduation reception thing (graduation is on Sunday and today I have a wedding. It's weird when you spend three days in formal wear, but we do what we must.) and they called between two outfits to tell me they wanted me to start on this ten-week internship next Thursday. Thursday! Which gives me Monday as official get-the-keys move-in day and Monday-Wednesday to pack! Whoo! And even the "midnight" premiere of Star Trek we're going to is at 8 p.m. Wednesday, which is a bit funny and super awesome for us old working stiffs :D When I hung up I went dancing into the living room in just my underoos and bra and my bf just laughed and laughed and then for course congratulated me. I've had friends go on multiple interviews and phone interviews and still have nothing. I haven't been this lucky in a long while.
Of course, after these moments of extreme luck and when everything's working out, I just start wondering when the next dip towards bad luck will come. I shouldn't think like that, but it's hard. When I'm too successful, something has always dragged me back down. I win and then I lose. Of course, I know you can't appreciate the wins without the losses, but it's usually detrimental to me (my dignity or my wallet). Like I crash a car or get a ticket or miss a loan payment or a bill or something.
Either way, I'm not going to dwell on ifs. I'm going to focus on the awesome, here and now. A wedding today, graduation tomorrow and a big dinner with family afterwards, a few days with the Bogey and picking up the keys to our first place Monday, Star Trek on Wednesday, new job Thursday... what could possibly go wrong?
And even if it did, Silver Linings Playbook, in all it's beauty and wisdom has this line: "You have to do everything you can, you have to work your hardest, and if you do, you have a shot at a silver lining." I just watched it and it was a beautiful, offbeat story. I saw why it got all the awards. And though I don't struggle with mental health, etc. those people were beautiful and relatable and heartbreaking. And they tried to see the best in life. I want to do that too. I think the thing I need to focus on is feeling the success, not worrying when it will go away. I should be proud of myself. I should forget that things could go wrong--I don't so that if things do go wrong, I won't be caught off guard, but I hate being like that. So I'll fold the anxiety away in a little square and hide it in the back of my mind for now. It's time to feel like an adult and I won this round, life. I won.
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