Day 6ish: Wonderful films and Quarter-Life Crises.

So my boyfriend and I just finished watching "Beginners" a film starring Melanie Laurent (excuse the non-accent over the E in her name), Ewan McGregor, and Christopher Plummer. It was heartbreaking, lovely, funny, bittersweet, realistic, uplifting, and just wholly wonderful. I basically just teared up for the last half of the film. the score and soundtrack were wonderful as well. I haven't watched a film so uniquely filmed/created in awhile--lately with the BF and I, it's action, comedy, and TV shows. Which is why I insisted on watching it. I've been wanting to see it since it came out and the opportunity presented itself on HBOGO. So I highly recommend!

It got me thinking of course--actually lately, I've been thinking a lot about aging, life, death, and everything in between. I think we call is a quarter-life crisis. I'm 25. I graduated from undergrad last spring and have my first full-time, yet-still-unsalaried position. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 1/2+ years. I'm at the point in my life where a lot of my friends are getting married, having kids, my parents are getting older, my younger siblings are becoming adults, and my grandparents are getting much older. I know I've been thinking too much about it--about how it will be when I'm old and dealing with young people. I'm a writer and I think my strong suit is character and understanding where people have been and what's happened to them to make them who they are. So I'm constantly dissecting my parents and my grandparents and my friend's kids and trying to figure out what not to do and what to do and how to do it all gracefully.

Seriously, at 25 I should be worrying about other things.

But in all honesty, I think, and as I believe many might think, I just want to fix or improve upon what my parents did. So I think up plans of how I'd introduce electronics into my kids' lives. When they get a flip phone, when they get a smart phone. How much TV and computer in a day. How I'll get them outdoors.

And it all comes down to that I'm afraid to mess up as a parent. And I tell my boyfriend this not ten minutes ago and he looks at me with those big blue eyes and he says, "you are going to be a fucking good mother." and he repeated it. And something funny happened in my chest, or maybe it was my heart. I felt like the Grinch in the scene where his heart grows. My boyfriend of 3+ years thinks I'll be a good mother and it's such a little thing to say, just a few words strung together in the English language, but it really did mean something.

And then I was tearing up again, or maybe I never really stopped because Ewan, Melanie, and Christopher had just mad me cry for like and hour. Just like the film teaches, I will always be beginning something. And it will never be too late to begin, just like it will never be too late to believe that love can last forever. I haven't lost that, surprisingly, after seeing my parents and my aunts and my cousins and my friends. And I don't plan to.